Friend: Wow I can't believe I ship this. What has the internet done to me?
Me: Well, we ship planets. I mean, we can't sink much lower, except maybe if we started shipping office supplies.
Friend: OH STAPLER-KUN, CLIP ME THERE
Me: NO PAPER-KUN, I CAN'T RUIN YOUR VIRGIN CRISPNESS
Friend: STAPLER-KUN, OH, I'M TEARING FOR YOU
Me: NO PAPER-KUN
Me: RULER-KUN IS BETTER FOR YOU, HE'LL KEEP YOU ON THE STRAIGHT PATH
Friend: IT'S TOO LATE, PRINTER-SAMA HAS ALREADY IMPRINTED HIS MARK UPON ME.
Me: DAMN YOU PRINTER-SAMAAAAAA!
Me: We're messed up.